I think we can all agree that times have changed drastically in the world in the past 100 years. Or for that matter even the last 20 years! Technology runs the world now which used to be more about manufacturing, agriculture and architecture (among other things). But one thing that has also changed that is taking a little getting used to is gender roles and status. So let's take that a step further. Let's talk about the economic changes between men and women that exist in our society today. Women have stepped their game up and are now making more money than they ever have before. The "Independent Woman" movement is in full force and women are loving every minute of it. But this draws a dilemma. Now some things haven't changed. Women still want a partner to share their life and start a family with. The issue with that? Many of the men don't make as much money as they do. How does this change the dynamic of the relationship? What about the women that want a man that makes more money than they do? Can you make less money than your woman and still be "The Man of The House"? Let's see!
Let's take a look at how it used to be. The man was the only one working in the house (in many cases). He would pay all the bills and make sure everything was financially taken care of. The woman would stay home or work a modest job (sometimes by choice, sometimes because of sexism) and take care of the household duties. Dinner was ready when the man got home and in some cases dinner didn't start until he gets home no matter the time. Now things have changed. There are more women graduating with college degree's than men. Women are making more money than man up until they have their first child. So now that women's earning power has increased exponentially......can we expect things to be the same? I say NO!
Now I have had many conversations about this topic and ironically enough I watch an old episode of Baisden After Dark (Michael Baisdens late night talk show) this week and they were discussing this issue. I feel that we have to evaluate our relationships different. One thought that disturbed me was that if you make the most money in the house then you are the head of the house. I don't know about yall but that makes no sense to me. What if the person that makes the most money is horrible with personal finance? What if they make 20k more than their spouse/partner? Does that make you the head because you make 100k and I make 80k? Now what if this persons decision making skill suck! Do you make them the head of the house and have decision making power just because they have a great paying job? I think you see what I'm getting at. Man or woman, I feel we need to rely on who does what best in the relationship to choose the roles. Fellas if your wife can't cook very well, how can you expect to her to have a hot meal waiting for you just because you are the breadwinner? Ladies if your man is lacking the decision making skills to properly run your household then maybe you should take on that role more often. Does that take away his manhood? It would never for a real man who knows and loves and is comfortable with himself. And what if the woman makes more money?.......................
The days of men making more money than their spouse being the norm are gone! So ladies if that's what you want and need I say get ready for a long search or re-evaluate whats important. When you are together as husband and wife the I goes out the window. Now its our money! Its shared! If you get laid off it's our problem not yours and vice versa. So let's stop personalizing money when we are in this together. Now if that man is everything you want in a man but he makes less than you than the only things that could hurt your relationship is 1. You throwing it in his face, 2. Him being insecure about it or both. On the topic of men being insecure, no man comfortable in his skin should care that his woman makes more than him. What better way to build family wealth than two great incomes and working TOGETHER to get to where you need to be as a family.
I feel that if we focus on what will make our relationship work instead of who makes more we will be in a better state overall. Ladies let your man be a man. Make his plate sometimes. Let him be that figure of authority. And Fellas, tell your woman that she's beautiful. Bring chivalry back! And let's use our individual strengths to divide up the household duties to make sure that we have the best possible home life. And let's make sure that we don't let outside forces dictate what we feel is the right things to do in our home. Your home life is between you and your partner and that's how it should be run. Who makes the most shouldn't be a determining factor of who you end up with or who is the head of the home.
"The reason most people fail is because they give up what they want most for what they want at the moment."
Young women my age are being scared with statistics about how the educated, successful, heterosexual, emotionally available, single, ambitious, attractive, black man without a criminal record is basically (for lack of a better term) extinct! Therefore, we are subliminally encouraged (mostly by media) to be independent, find a source of financial security, save, and create a new family
ReplyDeletestructure, adverse to the “nuclear family.” However, if we are lucky enough to find “Mr. Right”, we are to hold on tight and fall into the role of supporter, wife (or more commonly known as “wifey”), and mother or “baby-mama.”
These kinds of ideals have the potential to make the average women change her goals and expectations in a long term relationship/marriage numerous times. A woman's role shifts multiple times, and one of the roles she often must play is "bread winner." You speak of "together" but that is a concept that many of us aren't familiar with on a mass level. I'm aware that you didn't approach the topic from a black/white point of view but unfortunately there is a color line. Many women of color aren't exposed to "together" and roughly 33% of minority children are raised in two family households. So "who wears the pants now?" Hopefully, we both can but the woman of color has to always have a plan b and be prepared for potential abandonment. Hope the pants are big enough for both of us!
I definitely agree with "our money". Once you are in a committed relationship MOST things become "our". However I feel like a lot of people loose themselves in relationships, and there are some things that you should keep for just you, but that is a completely different subject. Staying on this one, I don't feel like people should be so much concerned with the amount of money as opposed to the level of enjoyment and satisfaction that someone has with their occupation. The stress of a job will weigh on a relationship and with all the changes in the dynamics you need as little outside influences as possible. If someone has a job where they enjoy what they're doing and make enough to be able to support a comfortable lifestyle then why should it matter who makes more. That just goes to show that if a woman can't accept it then she still has not matured enough to be in a fully functional relationship and if a man is not secure to be in that situation then he is not either. Now regardless of who makes what I do believe that a man should always be the head of the household. And its also our job as women to make sure that we reassure our men in their roles and sometimes in all honesty just shut the fuck up. If your with the man who you want to be with marry and have father your children then you should trust him enough to be that for you. On the flip side with that men need to be responsible enough to hold that position. They need to also always reassure his woman that he heeds to her needs and make decision with her in mind at all times. He also needs to prove that he is trustworthy in that role. With the delegation of responsibilities of who dose what in the relationship that is between the man and woman and who dose what best. I don't feel like who cooks or who pays the bills every month is solely to one gender. The head of household role for a man in my opinion is who the voice of the relationship to everyone else.
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