I think we can all agree that times have changed drastically in the world in the past 100 years. Or for that matter even the last 20 years! Technology runs the world now which used to be more about manufacturing, agriculture and architecture (among other things). But one thing that has also changed that is taking a little getting used to is gender roles and status. So let's take that a step further. Let's talk about the economic changes between men and women that exist in our society today. Women have stepped their game up and are now making more money than they ever have before. The "Independent Woman" movement is in full force and women are loving every minute of it. But this draws a dilemma. Now some things haven't changed. Women still want a partner to share their life and start a family with. The issue with that? Many of the men don't make as much money as they do. How does this change the dynamic of the relationship? What about the women that want a man that makes more money than they do? Can you make less money than your woman and still be "The Man of The House"? Let's see!
Let's take a look at how it used to be. The man was the only one working in the house (in many cases). He would pay all the bills and make sure everything was financially taken care of. The woman would stay home or work a modest job (sometimes by choice, sometimes because of sexism) and take care of the household duties. Dinner was ready when the man got home and in some cases dinner didn't start until he gets home no matter the time. Now things have changed. There are more women graduating with college degree's than men. Women are making more money than man up until they have their first child. So now that women's earning power has increased exponentially......can we expect things to be the same? I say NO!
Now I have had many conversations about this topic and ironically enough I watch an old episode of Baisden After Dark (Michael Baisdens late night talk show) this week and they were discussing this issue. I feel that we have to evaluate our relationships different. One thought that disturbed me was that if you make the most money in the house then you are the head of the house. I don't know about yall but that makes no sense to me. What if the person that makes the most money is horrible with personal finance? What if they make 20k more than their spouse/partner? Does that make you the head because you make 100k and I make 80k? Now what if this persons decision making skill suck! Do you make them the head of the house and have decision making power just because they have a great paying job? I think you see what I'm getting at. Man or woman, I feel we need to rely on who does what best in the relationship to choose the roles. Fellas if your wife can't cook very well, how can you expect to her to have a hot meal waiting for you just because you are the breadwinner? Ladies if your man is lacking the decision making skills to properly run your household then maybe you should take on that role more often. Does that take away his manhood? It would never for a real man who knows and loves and is comfortable with himself. And what if the woman makes more money?.......................
The days of men making more money than their spouse being the norm are gone! So ladies if that's what you want and need I say get ready for a long search or re-evaluate whats important. When you are together as husband and wife the I goes out the window. Now its our money! Its shared! If you get laid off it's our problem not yours and vice versa. So let's stop personalizing money when we are in this together. Now if that man is everything you want in a man but he makes less than you than the only things that could hurt your relationship is 1. You throwing it in his face, 2. Him being insecure about it or both. On the topic of men being insecure, no man comfortable in his skin should care that his woman makes more than him. What better way to build family wealth than two great incomes and working TOGETHER to get to where you need to be as a family.
I feel that if we focus on what will make our relationship work instead of who makes more we will be in a better state overall. Ladies let your man be a man. Make his plate sometimes. Let him be that figure of authority. And Fellas, tell your woman that she's beautiful. Bring chivalry back! And let's use our individual strengths to divide up the household duties to make sure that we have the best possible home life. And let's make sure that we don't let outside forces dictate what we feel is the right things to do in our home. Your home life is between you and your partner and that's how it should be run. Who makes the most shouldn't be a determining factor of who you end up with or who is the head of the home.
"The reason most people fail is because they give up what they want most for what they want at the moment."
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
WILL YOU ...................WAIT FOR ME?
I'll be 27 in January and at this age there are a few things that I guess are expected of you. You should have your career path in order, you should be looking to settle down, and getting ready to have kids. Now the kids thing is already taken care of (as you all should know) but if you're my age or older, you have been asked many times by many different people........when are you getting married? I guess it's not outrageous to think that people in their mid to late twenties (especially if you're in a relationship) might be contemplating taking "the big step", but my issue with this question is the time constraints that people have put on marriage. So I ask you all.....WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME? HOW LONG SHOULD YOU WAIT?
"In 18 months you should know if you want to spend the rest of your life with me!" Thats a quote from a friend during a conversation about when is the right time to get married. Some have said if you don't want to be married to your partner after 2 years of being together, then it's not meant to be. Where do these time frames come from? Is there a study that I don't know about? To me this way of thinking can lead you to lose someone that is great for you. The last I knew there have been people that loved each other for years on top of years and still weren't right for each other. Many times this way of thinking leads to an ultimatum when the time period approaches. "If I don't have a ring in 3 months its over!" or "We're not getting any younger and if you don't love me enough to spend the rest of your life with me I'm waisting my time!" What? Now don't get me wrong, if you have been with someone for 10 years and you're in your 30's and you want to be married and they don't then a tough decision must be made. But if we met in 2008 and we're in our mid twenties and you're giving ultimatums? Thats a little premature by my standards. So when is the right time?
If you are in a serious relationship there should have been many conversations about what you both feel about marriage. Expectations should be set and both parties should have an open mind and try to come to a common ground. Overall communication is key so that you are on the same page with your partner and there is no friction about when either of you feel is the right time for marriage. I also feel that instead of years how about we analyze our experiences in the relationship. You could be with somebody for 4 years and never have spent time away from home with that person. You may have never really had a chance to connect with their family. You may have never had any serious issues that tested the strength of your relationship. So just because you have been together for 4 years does that mean you should commit to being together forever? On the other hand you may be in a year long relationship and have had all of those experiences and then some. You have a better idea of who you're dealing with and what it may be like to marry your partner than the couple that has 4 years under their belt.
My point is every situation is different. Everyone grows at their own pace. We need to focus on being comfortable with and loving ourselves before we can do the same for another person. And when we are in that serious relationship, focus on the things that will help grow your bond. Time spent without connection is like spending no time at all. Let's all be logical and look at our own situations because that's all that matters when trying to figure out when is the right time to take the big step. So to all of you out there dreaming of marriage, don't be upset if your partner asks.........Will you wait for me?
Thanks for reading and I will now be posting weekly so please continue to show your support ans SPREAD THE WORD!
"The reason most people fail is because they give up what they want most for what they want at the moment"
"In 18 months you should know if you want to spend the rest of your life with me!" Thats a quote from a friend during a conversation about when is the right time to get married. Some have said if you don't want to be married to your partner after 2 years of being together, then it's not meant to be. Where do these time frames come from? Is there a study that I don't know about? To me this way of thinking can lead you to lose someone that is great for you. The last I knew there have been people that loved each other for years on top of years and still weren't right for each other. Many times this way of thinking leads to an ultimatum when the time period approaches. "If I don't have a ring in 3 months its over!" or "We're not getting any younger and if you don't love me enough to spend the rest of your life with me I'm waisting my time!" What? Now don't get me wrong, if you have been with someone for 10 years and you're in your 30's and you want to be married and they don't then a tough decision must be made. But if we met in 2008 and we're in our mid twenties and you're giving ultimatums? Thats a little premature by my standards. So when is the right time?
If you are in a serious relationship there should have been many conversations about what you both feel about marriage. Expectations should be set and both parties should have an open mind and try to come to a common ground. Overall communication is key so that you are on the same page with your partner and there is no friction about when either of you feel is the right time for marriage. I also feel that instead of years how about we analyze our experiences in the relationship. You could be with somebody for 4 years and never have spent time away from home with that person. You may have never really had a chance to connect with their family. You may have never had any serious issues that tested the strength of your relationship. So just because you have been together for 4 years does that mean you should commit to being together forever? On the other hand you may be in a year long relationship and have had all of those experiences and then some. You have a better idea of who you're dealing with and what it may be like to marry your partner than the couple that has 4 years under their belt.
My point is every situation is different. Everyone grows at their own pace. We need to focus on being comfortable with and loving ourselves before we can do the same for another person. And when we are in that serious relationship, focus on the things that will help grow your bond. Time spent without connection is like spending no time at all. Let's all be logical and look at our own situations because that's all that matters when trying to figure out when is the right time to take the big step. So to all of you out there dreaming of marriage, don't be upset if your partner asks.........Will you wait for me?
Thanks for reading and I will now be posting weekly so please continue to show your support ans SPREAD THE WORD!
"The reason most people fail is because they give up what they want most for what they want at the moment"
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